


Repeat

by Lots_of_Little_Pink_Clouds



Series: A Sky Full of Compassion [1]
Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age Inquisition - Fandom
Genre: And some religious conversion, Basically the Solas/Lavellan romance in general, Ellana just has a ton of problems, F/M, Five States of Grief too, Murder and Mayhem, Sad Romance Angst, Some depressing moments, Time Travel, anger issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 17:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6764161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lots_of_Little_Pink_Clouds/pseuds/Lots_of_Little_Pink_Clouds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“When you repeat yourself so many times, even if you’re speaking the truth, the repetition starts to feel false. Sometimes, you feel like the words you’re speaking, even if they once had meaning, have lost it. And that makes you feel kind of silly.” – Paul Dano</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repeat

**Author's Note:**

> So… I’ve been getting stabbed in the head with this idea for a few days now and have only now decided to start writing it out. I’m not entirely sure if I’ll ever finish it (cause I have so many ideas and cause most of my stories are unfinished, which you’ll notice if you look at my profile page), but I’ll certainly try. If you’re reading this, it means I did finish and you should feel happy about my accomplishment. :P
> 
> Now, some of these concepts I’m sure many would recognize from other fandoms (strangely I can never find any good fanfics for this particular genre in the Dragon Age archive; not that they’re all bad, but I think you get my meaning once we get further in…); my main inspiration being Again and Again by Athey in the Harry Potter fandom (you can find the story in my favourites list, if you really want to go looking through all of that). I suggest you check that one out if you have the time (or effort). It’s not complete (and I don’t think it ever will be), but I really like its premise. 
> 
> WARNING: THERE BE SPOILERS
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age (Inquisition or otherwise)
> 
> So yeah, I think that’s it for now.
> 
> -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
> 
> Title: Repeat  
> Rating: T  
> Pairing: Solas/F!Lavellan  
> Summary: “When you repeat yourself so many times, even if you’re speaking the truth, the repetition starts to feel false. Sometimes, you feel like the words you’re speaking, even if they once had meaning, have lost it. And that makes you feel kind of silly.” – Paul Dano

_“There are no coincidences in life. What person that wandered in and out of your life was there for some purpose, even if they caused you harm. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense the short periods of time we get with people, or the outcomes from their choices. However, if you turn it over to God, He promises that you will see the bigger picture in the hereafter. Nothing is too small to be a mistake.”_ – Shannon L. Alder

* * *

**X=X=PART I: BEGINNING=X=X**

In her first life, she was born a mage.

She was a pretty active member of her clan and made life-long friends. So it was no surprise when she was named the Keeper’s First that everyone rejoiced at her achievement.

But she wasn’t happy.

So when news reached the Lavellan clan of a Conclave held by the human Chantry leaders between mages and Templars, she suggested that as the Keeper’s First, her most trusted apprentice, she would go and find the answers the Dalish wanted. The Keeper agreed, through much hesitation.

Then the explosion happened.

And Ellana Lavellan became the Herald of Andraste.

And the whole world changed for her.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her first life, she told Cassandra she believed in the Elven gods.

Of course, Cassandra didn’t agree. But she was open to the fact that some believed in other things as opposed to just the Maker.

Ellana Lavellan didn’t know when she stopped.

She didn’t know when her answer would change.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her first life, she allied with the mages.

Of course, not everyone agreed with her actions; Sera especially. But it didn’t matter to her; she was a mage herself and she wanted her people to be free.

But even still, she wasn’t happy.

A conversation she had afterwards with Solas enlightened her about the wonders of the Fade, wonders that she herself wanted to see and feel. She wanted to learn more, and he was glad to share. His eyes would light up whenever she asked questions, questions he gladly answered.

Afterwards, Ellana Lavellan would admit that she felt a surge in her chest while he spoke.

And for a moment, she admitted to herself that she felt… happy.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her first life, she kissed Solas.

He had taken her into the Fade, spoke with her about her achievements thus far. It was a single expression, nothing else, but she took it and ran with it. And he responded, pulling her in for two more.

When she woke up, she felt warm butterflies in her stomach and there was a flush in her cheeks.

She held herself and squealed quietly before getting ready for the day.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her first life, she allowed the Wardens to join the Inquisition.

Of course, not everyone agreed with her actions. Solas’ disapproval hit her like a falling rock, but she thought that the Wardens deserved a second chance. It wasn’t much, but it was a chance to do right and make up for their mistakes.

But even still, she wasn’t happy.

She spoke with Solas once again; he didn’t approve, but it wasn’t that noticeable. But Ellana noticed. It was in the light of his eyes and the turn of his lips. But when she asked about his journeys in the Fade, it disappeared.

And for a moment, she felt happy.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her first life, she had Celene keep her throne.

She had been running Orlais for a while, and though she was manipulative, she didn’t seem likely to turn back on someone who had once proved useful. Briala had been seething to herself in the corner of the ballroom, but Ellana didn’t pay her much mind.

It was at the ball when Solas asked for a dance.

The butterflies returned.

She smiled a true smile and accepted.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her first life, she stopped Solas from killing the mages.

He was upset and asked her to let him be, at least for a little while. She let him. There was an aching feeling in her chest though, and when he didn’t return for several days, she started to worry. The aching got worse, until the point where Josephine told her to rest and get some sleep. But she couldn’t.

When Solas did return, she was relieved. He told her to sleep immediately and that he would talk to her afterwards.

She asked him to stay. He did, holding her hand as she fell into her dreams.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her first life, she let Morrigan have the Well of Sorrows.

She seemed more likely to know what she was doing with it, even if she was human. It worried Ellana though that such an important artifact of her people was in the hands of a woman who seemed pretty ambitious. But Morrigan had a son, surely that mattered, right?

Once again, some of her companions didn’t approve of her choice.

But it didn’t matter to her. At least she made a choice.

Didn’t they know how difficult it was for her?

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her first life, Ellana Lavellan got her heart broken.

And just as he walked away, she felt his own sadness and pain at his decision. But she didn’t understand. It hurt for her to wake up in the mornings after, to eat, to laugh, to _live_. It didn’t help that the others would try to help.

Cole understood though; she hadn’t been happy in the beginning, why would he want to return her to that?

He still offered though.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her first life, she searched far and wide for Solas.

But she couldn’t find him. He promised her answers, but he broke that promise.

It hurt her and she despaired.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her first life, Ellana Lavellan was assassinated.

She could remember the feeling of the knife sinking into her heart and the vicious gleam of the assassin above her. But she could even now, vaguely recall, the fact that she herself was the one who pushed the knife in deeper until the point where she could feel the edge pierce through her back.

The assassin’s slightly surprised face did register for her when she gave him a mouthed “thank you” before she died. Why was he surprised?

She had been dead anyway.

* * *

**X=X=PART II: DENIAL=X=X**

In her second life, she woke up shocked.

What was going on? Hadn’t she died? Passed on? She was so confused. But she took one look at her surroundings and knew that there was something wrong. Her mother was there, holding her in her arms, her face flushed. But she was smiling.

This wasn’t normal; it’s impossible.

She couldn’t accept it.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her second life, she realized that she retained her magic.

The children, friends in her previous life, were more difficult to be friends with in this one. They were more immature, more naïve. She realized that she became friends with the people they became, not the people that they were now. Ellana knew then that things were more complicated. It was frustrating.

She decided not to draw too much attention to herself. However, that didn’t seem to work in her favor. Her seemingly meek nature attracted the attention of the other children, and not in a good way. One of the girls, Jenai, who had been her best friend in her previous life, was like a viper. Ellana decided that she would once again become the Keeper’s apprentice; not necessarily the First, like she was in her last life, but enough so the others knew not to bother her.

She set Jenai’s hair on fire.

And she found that she relished the sound of her frightened screams.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her second life, Ellana once again went to the Conclave.

However, in this life, she wondered what would happen if she didn’t find the Divine and the Wardens.

So, she simply waited, watching the gathered crowd patiently. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw one of the humans, a noble, given his attire, slip out of the hall. He had been part of a rather large group of the humans. His features were similar to their own, so she assumed they were related.

Moments after he left the room, Ellana felt the explosion tear through her body, the hall around her splitting and fire erupting from the green tear that had appeared in the middle of the hall. It hurt and she was burning. There was the sound of screaming, and then she realized that it was her and everyone else who was inside the Chantry. The pain was unbearable, hurting aching and tearing her apart…

In her second life, Ellana met a premature death, burned by the explosion that took the life of the Divine.

* * *

**X=X=PART III: ANGER=X=X**

When she woke up a fifth time, Ellana wasn’t sure what to do.

Everything was hot and burning and splitting and breaking, and then she was once again in her mother’s arms. It was at this point when she realized that she must have pissed off some god in existence, if there even was one.

What did she do to deserve this? Why her?

Ellana was angry.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her fifth life, she chose to become a warrior.

It was difficult; her body wasn’t meant for the heaviness of a two-handed blade. The others kept telling her to give up, try the lightness of twin daggers. But she couldn’t accept it. Her anger ran her, and she wouldn’t accept no for an answer. She pushed and pushed and pushed. Then finally, she succeeded.

Ellana would admit now that she probably scared the rest of her clan into submission, but she succeeded.

And that was all that mattered to her at the time.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her fifth life, she cast the Wardens out and had the assassination on Empress Celene succeed, putting Gaspard on the Orlesian throne. She accepted the Templars into the Inquisition as allies. She drank from the Well of Sacred Ashes.

And then, when Solas confronted her on her decisions, she punched him.

She certainly felt better afterwards. But there was still something.

A pain in her chest, soft, but lingering. Maybe it was his major disapproval that caused it to return, especially after her early deaths in her three previous lives. Or maybe it was that she still had feelings for him.

At the time, Ellana didn’t really care.

She believed that she had convinced herself that she didn’t love him still. She would fight and fight and fight, gaining scar upon scar upon scar to ignore the feelings, to push them down. And when it didn’t seem to work, she tried even harder to make it. Who could blame her though?

She was just angry.

* * *

**X=X=PART IV: BARGAINING=X=X**

In her eighth life, she found her anger dry up.

For this life, she chose to pursue her magic once more, using her training with the sword in order to enhance the specialization she chose; the Knight-Enchanter.

Ellana found herself looking up to the sky more, to the stars and asked why her. But the sky didn’t answer. She then decided to look to the sea.

Tiny little bottles were easily procured, though she got some strange looks from Josephine when she asked for them. Over the course of a week, she wrote down all of her questions she wanted answered, conversations she wished she had with friends long past. These were divided on tiny scraps of paper, any kind that she could get her hands on. Then, she placed the paper into the bottles.

And on their next trip to the Storm Coast, late at night while everyone slept, she climbed to the top of the highest cliff. Along with her went the tiny bottles, over 50 at least, in the extra backpack she brought along with her. And one by one, she tossed them over the edge into the ocean below.

Silently, Ellana hoped that one day, she would have those questions answered.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her eighth life, Solas spoke to her.

He said that he was slightly confused; she avoided him (not actively, she wasn’t even truly aware she was doing it), and whenever he was nearby, she would become more expressionless and cold (once again, she wasn’t even aware she was doing it). She couldn’t really explain herself to him; this had never happened before.

He had her promise one day.

She agreed.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her eighth life, Ellana started to seek new avenues of belief.

She asked Solas, then Cassandra, then Leliana, Sera and Vivienne… She asked all of her companions what they believed in. Some were obvious answers; she asked for clarification on those ones. But others weren’t as obvious, and she wanted to know more.

In this life, Ellana started to truly drift away from the Dalish beliefs. And in doing so, she started to lean more to Andrastianism.

* * *

**X=X=PART V: DEPRESSION=X=X**

In her eleventh life, she left the clan that she no longer knew at the age of sixteen.

Her face was bare of any _vallaslin_ , unlike in her previous lives when she drifted from one elven deity to the next. And in doing so, she travelled and learned more about the religion that most of the population in Thedas was devoted to. She slowly felt herself asking the Maker for things, giving silent prayers, but receiving no answers.

She felt a bit better, but not by much. With the Maker, it was unsure that He even existed. With the elven deities, she knew that they had once walked the earth, especially with what the Dalish tales say as well as the Temple of Mythal’s existence. Solas himself said that he believed that they existed, though she wasn’t sure how much she trusted him on that.

The pain was a dull ache in her chest now, barely noticeable unless she truly thought of him. It was worry, and pain from him leaving, as well as loneliness from him being so close, yet so far. But she endured. She had taken to asking the voices of the Well questions of ancient Arlathan, which they answered. It would occur to her in a much later life to ask of Solas; by that point, she would have definite proof that he wasn’t who he said he was.

But that was later.

It was during this life when she learned the more subtle arts of dagger wielding from a wandering Antivan bard. She, however, found that she preferred the range that the bow gave her, and usually stuck to that. She still had her magic though, primed and ready and _powerful_ from the several lives she had lived. Her mastery of two-handed weapons was still in her repertoire as well, and she kept that knowledge in the back of her mind to use when it became useful.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her ninth life, she did not attend the Conclave, instead staying in the village of Haven.

She had travelled to the tavern to get something to eat, pulling out the small coins that she snatched from an unsuspecting human. It was warm and cozy. But there were no seats available, except for the one next to _him_. So, she made her way to him, and with a shy smile, asked to sit next to him.

He let her.

She quietly ate her meal, glancing around the busy room. She tried to pay him no mind, but it was difficult. Even when she felt it hard to cull her temper around him, she never truly outright ignored him. It certainly was new for her.

Shouting broke her concentration, drawing both Ellana and Solas’ attention to the ruckus. Ellana immediately recognized the dwarf with the familiar crossbow, who was mocking a drunk soldier for touching one of the barmaids without her permission. The man obviously didn’t appreciate Varric’s viewpoint, pulling out the knife from his belt.

The beardless dwarf wasn’t fazed, however, and simply shot a bolt from Bianca. The bolt snagged on the man’s shirt, and stuck him to the wall behind him. She smiled.

But the moment didn’t last long.

She felt the ground shake, cups and plates falling from the tables. The chandeliers swing precariously back and forth, and the tavern door flew open from a strong gust of wind. Ellana pushed herself up from her table, rushing out the door right behind Varric.

“Ugh…,” the dwarf groaned, “Not again.” He readied Bianca, with a determined look on his face.

A gigantic spiral came from the sky, glowing an ominously with the green of the Fade. Her eyes narrowed. There was a flash and a rift opened not five feet away from Ellana and the dwarf. The elf pulled off the bow on her back, pulling an arrow from her satchel.

“Demons!”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her eleventh life, she agreed to help Cadash with closing the Breach.

The dwarf was a petite woman, small and stumpy like many others of her kind. She had the reddest hair that Ellana had ever seen, wild and untamed and not restricted by hair ties or clips. Her eyes were really green too, almost glowing like the Mark on her hand, and she had the cutest freckles.

Cadash was a warrior, carrying a huge hammer and swinging it around with measured strength; not even close to how Ellana had fought with hers (unbridled anger and fury). She had a rather stoic accent, her voice never betraying what her thoughts on something were.

She was curious, yes, especially about other cultures, but she never let her curiosity rule her actions. From what Ellana had seen, the dwarf was determined to close the Breach, if only to get the Mark off her.

The dwarf was so much more different than herself, it’s a wonder how she managed the Inquisition in her past lives. Cadash was a woman who seemed to know what she was doing.

Ellana liked her.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her eleventh life, Ellana found herself as a companion rather than the one in charge herself.

It was odd, but she found it interesting to see things from an outsider’s perspective. She made herself at home in a small tent close to the Chantry, just a ways off from Leliana’s tent and the requisition table. Then, she either spent much of her time within the Chantry itself or wandering the village.

It was so much more different than actually making the decisions herself. She made sure to let Cadash know that if she needed anything, for missions, to vent, or even to just talk, her door would be open.

There was a slight ache in her chest though, and for some odd reason, that night, she went to bed, and found that the Fade wouldn’t come to her. She ended up leaving her cabin and sitting in the tavern, nursing a cup of warm ale.

She stayed up the whole night.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her eleventh life, Cadash asked her where she was from.

They were travelling to the Hinterlands on three old horses and two ponies (for Cadash and Varric) when she asked. Ellana had shrugged and stated that she grew up with clan Lavellan, which wandered the Free Marches, further north. This got some strange looks from the others.

“You’re Dalish?” Varric had asked. She frowned and shook her head.

“I honestly don’t believe I have much in common with the Dalish. Not anymore.”

“Meaning you once did?” She glanced at Solas, staring him straight in the eye.

“It was a long time ago.”

The topic was dropped, but Cadash sent her a look, meaning she wanted to talk about it later. Ellana was fine with that, but she took a deeper breath, mentally preparing herself for the questions that’ll come later.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her eleventh life, she started to trust Solas once more.

He found her in the Chantry, standing before one of Andraste’s various statues. In truth, she was trying to listen to the plans going on in the makeshift war room. It wasn’t going as she planned, her concentration being strangely absent the past several days. Plus, it was hard to hear anything through the thick walls of the Chantry.

“You do not seem like any Dalish I have met,” he said quietly. Ellana smiled, and tilted her head to look at him.

“Have you met many Dalish?” At this, he grimaced.

“The ones I met were… very close-minded.”

“Most Dalish clans these days are. They hold onto the scraps of knowledge they have with tight grips, unwilling to let them go. It’s an escape from reality for them.”

At this, he raised an eyebrow.

“Is that true? Or is that what you believe?”

She stared at him dead on.

“I believe it is similar to the spirits in the Fade; it’s the way they are, some open and curious, others more closed off. Open, because they want to know more of a past that is already long gone, and closed because they aren’t willing to listen to any truth that others possess. They live in a dream world, closed off and unwilling to change, trying to stick to traditions that are probably not what they believe to be.”

“That’s a rather… different idea.” He leaned against a nearby pillar, crossing his arms and looking at her with an interested glint in his eyes. She felt her lip twitch upwards into a half grin.

“Stick with me, and you’ll get to hear a load of these _different_ ideas.”

He chuckled and shook his head.

“I think I’d be interested in what you have in mind.” There was a light in his eyes, something that Ellana was familiar with.

Hope.

She had seen that look more often than she liked, staring back at her from the vanity she had in her little cabin whenever she had a new idea to get her out of this seemingly eternal loop. She wondered what he was hoping about.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her eleventh life, Ellana watched as not only Cadash and Dorian, but Solas as well, were all sent into the future. It was something different that had never happened before, and she could help hoping that this time line would be the one when she would finally succeed.

In the future, the Venatori tried to break her. She was first; try to break the elf, they said. When they didn’t succeed, they brought her back to her cell. Her arm had been broken and her leg had been twisted at an impossible angle, making her wince whenever she tried to move. She had bruises everywhere. They hung her from a single chain and left her, then, they dragged Leliana to the torture chamber, leaving her and Cassandra in the lower cells.

For a time, she was fine. But it wasn’t long before the silence began to grate on her nerves, making her fingers twitch and her eyes nervously jerk around. So, she quietly hummed to herself, if only to fill the silence.

No one visited her. Her arm was beginning to ache from being suspended in the air by the chain and she could feel her other limbs becoming numb from her lack of movement.

_“Shadows fall… And hope has fled…_

_“Steel your heart… The dawn will come…_

_“The night is long… And the path is dark…_

_“Look to the sky… For one day soon…_

_“The dawn will come…”_

Even to her own ears, she found the tune to be off and lifeless. It was as if there was nothing there except a broken promise, a memory from a time long past. Ellana found herself thinking about her past lives, the voices from the Well of Sorrows quietly comforting in the darkness and ominous glow of the Red Lyrium.

She didn’t know how long she was in that cell, singing the same broken tune, but her attention was drawn to the sound of battle. She lifted her head just as a familiar dwarf rushed to the door of her cell, a bald elf and a man with a fabulous moustache behind her.

“Ellana!”

She smiled in relief as Solas helped her to her feet.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her eleventh life, Ellana came to enjoy the conversations she would have with Solas, just like in her first life.

It was some of the same topics, but there were some new ones in there. It was reassuring that there was still one thing that was familiar to her, despite all the changes that this life was throwing at her.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In her eleventh life, she watched on the sidelines as Cadash came down the stairs, alone.

At the top of the stairs, Ellana saw Solas looking down at them before he turned away. She glanced at the others, the Iron Bull hoisting his _Kadan_ over his shoulder with a triumphant shout, Dorian and Sera fist bumping, Cassandra and Varric nodding to each other.

Slowly, Ellana let herself fall behind until not even the shadows of her friends could be seen from where she was.

Then, she turned and climbed the stairs of the crumbled building.

As she came to the top, the elf was slightly surprised to see Solas return to kneeling beside the orb on the ground. She thought he would have already left. But this was alright; she wanted to find out why for a long time now.

She carefully stepped around the rubble before she stopped right beside him. Ellana then took a seat beside him and gently took the broken orb from his hands. He let her, watching her with strangely sad eyes as she examined it. She turned it in her hands, fingers grazing along the engravings, tracing the lines and cracks in its shape.

“This meant a lot to you,” she stated. Solas took a deep breath.

“Yes… I wanted to learn more about it. It was obviously an important part of elven history; magic such as this shouldn’t have been lost.”

He was lying.

Ellana sighed, but didn’t comment on the obvious; he didn’t wish to tell her. She reached out with her magic, closing her eyes as it scanned the orb. The remaining magic on it was familiar. It was just an inkling, for it had been in Corypheus’ possession for so long, but there was still something there… It came to her.

No… It couldn’t be…

“… Solas?” She looked up at him. Her stomach had dropped and her breathing had become heavy. The look in his eyes said that he knew he had been caught.

“You are a mage.”

He tried to play it off as nothing. But Ellana wasn’t willing to let this go.

“And there is a lingering magical residue on this orb… that matches your magical signature.”

“… Yes…”

She took a shuddering breath, leaning over. In her hands, she clutched the broken fragment of the orb, which she touched to her forehead. But she had to be sure.

“… Is it yours?”

He was silent. Ellana, however, took it as confirmation. She felt tears welling up and she let out a soft, choked sob.

The orb was his. The orb that had screwed up her life in the very beginning… was his. Her chest welled up in pain and she let out another sob. He was the reason she had gotten the mark in the first place… She couldn’t believe it.

“… Ellana.”

She took a deep breath, swallowing thickly. She could feel a pair of warm hands on her back, silently asking her to look at him. She did, her chest still heaving. Solas seemed to hesitate at the tears in her eyes, but his hands continued their journey to rest around her neck.

He began to squeeze.

She was gasping for air, her hands grasping onto his, feebly struggling to get him to let go.

“Please, Solas… Please… don’t….”

He pushed her down, hovering over her with his hands wrapped around her neck. She was struggling to breathe, to get more air in. She started to cry more, tears sliding down her cheeks and wetting his hands. Ellana was beginning to see the tips of black creeping in at the edge of her vision and she struggled to stay awake, to not let the blackness take her.

“S-Solas….”

“ _Ir abelas_ , Ellana… _Ir abelas_ …”

She felt something wet drop onto her forehead and she blearily opened her eyes to look at him. He was crying.

“ _Ir abelas_ … _Ir abelas_ …” A thick swallow came from him as he choked back a sob.

He was apologizing. Over and over again.

At that moment, Ellana knew that she forgave him; she had forgiven him a long time ago. He hadn’t done what he did because he wanted too, he did it because he felt he had to. It was like a light turned on in her head as this thought came to her, and she smiled sadly. As the blackness finally consumed her vision, she raised a hand to trace the length of his jaw.

“ _Ar_ … _Lath ma_ … _vhenan_ …”

Her hand dropped.

Ellana Lavellan shuddered and grew still, her head falling back onto the stone ground, her eyes fluttering shut.

* * *

**X=X=PART VI: ACCEPTANCE=X=X**

In her twelfth life, Ellana was finally willing to accept her situation.

She didn’t know if she would ever finally just die and be done with it all, but she now had a goal: to find out what Solas really was. Ellana didn’t care how long it took, so long as she eventually would find the answer. But in the meanwhile, she would help her various lives’ Inquisitors. And during it, she would spend her fleeting moments with Solas, as much as she could, in order to find out what he had been hiding from her.

Then, one day, they could finally be together.


End file.
